Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
