i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
