yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
