Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
