My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
