If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
