we have officially lost it.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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