I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
