dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
