i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
tell me about the fingering
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