I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
