If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
