So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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