They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
