were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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