I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
