where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
