Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
