remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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