we made out on top of his cat.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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