Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FUCK WHALES
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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