We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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