Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
