all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
