Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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