Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
