How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
