I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
