I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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