Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
