just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
