I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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