Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
