He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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