Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
