K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
