i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
