I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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