Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
