There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
