Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When did angry sex become our thing?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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