Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
