The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
