I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
