Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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