craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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