If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
