he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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