I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
