Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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